Presents: packages of love!

I love giving presents, I love putting a lot of time, love and creativity in gifts.
Christmas is a perfect opportunity to show people they're loved...

As a student, I don't have a lot of money to buy big gifts, but that doesn't mean I can't put a lot of love in it! I made this package for my best friend and roommate, Judie, for Christmas. It was a package full of little presents to encourage her to live LIFE and take care of her spirit, soul and body. I attached little cards to every present with an inspiring quote or little love note. The package itself is made of a milk bottle, painted in red haha! Colors are really important for me and I just enjoyed the fact that literally everything was in the right color scheme of pink/red. :)

Give some love!

Beautiful mess

“I’m a mess, I’m a mess, I’m a mess right now,

Don’t fix me up, just lay me down,

You fill me up to pour me out,

I am undone.”

-Steffany Frizzell, spontaneous song

Think of all the masterpieces which wouldn’t exist if the artists weren’t allowed to make a mess. What a loss, right? Now think of all the spiritual, mental and emotional masterpieces that don’t exist because we don’t allow ourselves and others to make a mess. Isn’t that an even greater loss than the artistic masterpieces?

Sometimes we need a mess in order to create beauty. Sometimes we value order way too much, so we don’t let the process happen. But if we want to grow, we must allow things to come up to the surface. When things come up to the surface, it can become messy, because we aren’t used to having those deep things out in the open.

A couple of weeks ago I was in one of those very messy growing seasons. It was painful, it was confusing and it sure was chaotic. A growth-bomb exploded in the room of my heart. The floor was filled with pictures and photographs, showing experiences from the past and the present. The walls had splashes of paint, all the different colors of my emotion-pallet were dripping from the walls. Through the splashes of color there were written words and sentences. Some were lies and some were truths, some were carved into the walls and some were just written with a pencil, some were ending with an exclamation mark and some were ending in a point. Question marks as big as chairs were seated at the sides of the room, asking for answers to sit in them. Fears were shivering in some corners of shadow, holding on to insecurities to cover them. Every time I decided to leave the fast stream of daily life for a moment and entered the room in my heart, I was shocked by the mess.

My character, habits and nature screamed: “Clean it up! Create order in this chaos!” But somehow I could find beauty in this big, exploded mess. I fought against the urge to clean it up, the only thing I did was walk around often to observe the things that were happening in the big messy process of growth and learn from it. And every time I walked around the room, I opened a window to let the Wind in. I trusted the One who was standing right in the middle of the mess, He knew what He was doing and knew when it would be the time to clean it up. I believed it was not only going to be okay, it was also going to create something beautiful.

And it did. I learned more from the weeks my heart was in this messy process than in the weeks my heart was orderly. The mess was necessary for God to paint the masterpiece of my identity clearer, more beautiful and with brighter colors. Because I could let the Wind, the Holy Spirit, do what He wanted to do in this process, I was able to even enjoy the process before seeing the result. I often had to make the choice to not try to fix myself or let others fix me, but just allow myself to feel crappy for some moments (but not let my feelings take over completely!). I had to choose not to search for the easy answers to my questions, but be okay to not be sure about some things and not have my opinion as strong and secure as always. I had to choose to not pretend like the pains and fears weren’t there, but face them and work through them and their causes together with God. I had to choose not to let the process end before we actually worked through the depths of the problem. I let Go(d) and the mess turned into beauty in His timing.

I want to encourage you to have the courage to let a process last for as long as it takes and to not be afraid of messes. Let your roots grow deep, even if it hurts to grow through a hard layer in the ground. Allow messes, not only for yourself, but also for others. Sometimes people don’t want to get fixed, don’t want answers to their questions or a solution to their problems. Sometimes they just need a shoulder the cry on, a hug to tell them they’re loved, a listening silence which invites them to share their hearts and an acceptance of who they are, what they’re going through and what they feel. It’s okay if the answer to ‘how are you’ is not ‘good’, because you can rather be real than perfect. Allow yourself and others to be real by not expecting perfection. The most beautiful masterpieces come out of the most chaotic messes.

“Where no oxen are, the crib is clean: but much increase is by the strength of the ox.”
                - Proverbs 

Prophetic Art (2)

Some of the paitings/prophetic art I did the last months. :)

Paiting on stage!

Contained colors

Destiny art piece: awakened Bride. (my future in a painting)

This is a painting I made for a baby who was still in the belly of the mommy-to-be on this picture.

Torch carrier

Made for Judie

Key of Identity

Repost: update November&December

Repost from www.judieeline.blogspot.com. I'm sorry it's in Dutch!

Hallo allemaal!

De tijd vliegt. Het is alweer anderhalve maand geleden dat we ons blog ge-update hebben, de tijd gaat zo snel. We proberen nog steeds een goede balans te vinden tussen ons helemaal storten op ons leven hier en tegelijkertijd jullie op de hoogte houden en contact houden met Nederland. Sorry dat het soms zo lang duurt voordat we weer updaten. De beste manier om op de hoogte te blijven is via Facebook of via onze pagina op ons blog waar we onze (bijna) dagelijkse Facebook updates plaatsen.http://www.judieeline.blogspot.com/#!http://judieeline.blogspot.com/p/facebook-updates.html

De tijd vliegt omdat er zo veel gebeurd, zowel om ons heen als binnen in ons. We genieten nog steeds ontzettend en alles wat we meemaken is levensveranderend. Er komt veel op ons af in een korte tijd, en dat maakt het allemaal erg intensief. Het is soms een klein gekkenhuis, maar wel op een hele goede manier! Processen die ‘back home’ misschien maanden, of zelfs jaren, zouden duren, gaan we nu doorheen in een paar dagen of weken. Seizoenen veranderen ontzettend snel, zodra we een openbaring begrepen hebben of een nieuwe doorbraak in iets verwerkt hebben, staat er al iets nieuws op de stoep. We ondergaan een groeispurt, dat is zeker. De tijd om al die nieuwe en diepe dingen te verwerken ontbreekt soms, maar we leren nu steeds meer om die tijd wel vrij te maken, omdat dat zo belangrijk is. In een stad waarin er altijd wel iets gebeurd, een kerk die honderden opties heeft om jezelf te ontwikkelen en met een enorme studenten/vriendengroep waarbij er bijna iedere avond wel ergens een feestje of meeting is, is het soms makkelijk om alleen maar rond te rennen. En hoewel het heerlijk is om overal in te duiken, kan je alleen maar rennen als je ook af en toe de tijd neemt om stil te staan. Die momenten van stil zijn, reflecteren, verwerken en ons eigen hart aandacht geven zijn minstens net zo belangrijk!

Waar zijn we de afgelopen weken door heen gegaan? Een van de meest belangrijke dingen deze maand was relationship week. Dit betekende dat we 4 dagen zeer intensief onderwijs kregen over relaties. De nadruk lag vooral op ‘romantische relaties’ (van vriendschap naar verkering naar verloving naar huwelijk), maar veel van de dingen die we geleerd hebben zijn ook ontzettend toepasselijk voor alle soorten relaties, zoals vriendschappen. We leerden praktische principes over bijv. grenzen aangeven, guy-girl vriendschappen, de stappen in een relatie, brave communication (daar valt bijv. confrontatie onder) en de verhouding tussen vertrouwen en intimiteit. Het onderwijs was misschien wel het meest praktisch van het hele jaar tot nu toe, we hadden echt het gevoel dat we leerden ‘how to do life.’ We hoorden ook meningen/onderwijs die anders waren, of zelfs compleet tegenovergesteld, van wat we gewend waren in onderwijs over relaties. Een belangrijk onderdeel van Bethel is dat ze het belangrijker vinden om ons te leren HOE we moeten denken dan WAT we moeten denken. We vinden het mooi om te zien dat ze genoeg ruimte overlaten voor andere meningen, zelfs binnen het onderwijs van de school zelf. De meningen horen van mensen die we erg respecteren en die weten waar ze het over hebben heeft op sommige vlakken onze eigen meningen bij gesteld, of in ieder geval ons weer opnieuw aan het denken gezet. Is er ‘de ware’ of zijn er ‘many bests in God’? Is een relatie om uit te zoeken of je met hem gaat trouwen of zet je je hart op het spel als je te snel in een relatie stapt zonder te weten of het Gods plan is? Hoef je alleen maar achterover te leunen en te wachten tot God de ware op je pad brengt of moet je zelf actief op zoek? Interessante vragen waarop we steeds meer een genuanceerd antwoord op proberen te vormen.

Ook hebben we ‘freedom day’ gehad op school. Zoals de naam het al zegt, werden we op die dag nog meer vrijgezet om te staan in onze identiteit in God. Enorm krachtig en levensveranderend.

Ook kwamen gastsprekers Georgean en Winnie Banov langs. Die heel veel blijdschap met zich mee dragen en hebben vrijgezet. Dingen zoals dansen, crowd surfing, en Holy Spirit outbreaks gebeuren vaker en vaker. Niet alleen in onszelf maar ook in de school merken we verandering en dat er een enorme honger naar meer is. Mensen rennen naar het podium toe tijdens de prediking, en worden door God aangeraakt. Ook hoor je vaker mensen die goudstof op hun handen krijgen (ook tijdens worship nights thuis.) God & alles wat Hij geeft is zo goed!

Afgelopen dinsdag, de laatste schooldag van dit jaar, hadden we impartation day, waarbij Bill Johnson en veel andere staff members voor ons baden dat wij dezelfde zegeningen en favor zullen ontvangen als dat op hun leven ligt. Er zijn ook die dag hele bijzondere dingen gebeurd, het was alsof er elektriciteit vanuit de hemel kwam!

Voor mij, Eline, kwam deze maand ook een van de moeilijkste en meest intensieve weken sinds ik hier ben. Moeilijk, maar heel belangrijk. Ik werd erg geconfronteerd met een aantal angsten, onzekerheden en vragen die ik nog had. Soms kan het frustrerend zijn als je voor je gevoel weer door hetzelfde proces gaat of door dezelfde onzekerheden moet vechten. Maar wat we vaak vergeten is dat iedere keer wanneer je door zo’n proces gaat, je weer een diepere laag in gaat en dus ook een grote mate van vrijheid ontvangt. Groeien doet altijd pijn, maar het is een hoopvolle pijn, omdat je weet dat je er sterker uitkomt. Deze momenten waren zeker niet altijd leuk en ik heb een hoop tijd nodig gehad om naar m’n hart te luisteren en samen met God dingen te verwerken. Maar begrijp me niet verkeerd, het gaat juist heel goed met mij! Er was alleen een hele hoop aan de gang onder de oppervlakte, en ik stond het toe om het de tijd te geven om de Heilige Geest Zijn werk te laten doen in mijn hart. Ik merk nu dat ik sinds afgelopen week langzaam uit dat proces kom en er een nieuw seizoen aanbreekt, een seizoen waarin ik dieper met God ga dan ooit te voren. Dat is het allemaal waard!

De kerstvakantie is aangebroken, dat betekent 2,5 week van rust, dingen verwerken, leuke dingen doen, huiswerk bijwerken en lekker veel tijd met God doorbrengen. Kerst is een ‘big deal’ in Amerika, overal hangen lichtjes, worden Christmas carols gezongen en wenst men elkaar ‘merry Christmas’. Wij blijven in Redding tijdens kerst, terwijl bijna al onze vrienden naar huis gaan. Het is bizar hoe erg je gehecht kan raken aan mensen in zo’n korte tijd, we gaan onze vrienden en klasgenoten echt missen! Natuurlijk zouden we graag even naar huis vliegen om onze familie in onze armen te sluiten, bij te kletsen met onze vrienden en al onze enthousiaste verhalen te delen. Helemaal nu Eline op 9 december een neefje heeft gekregen, haar broer&schoonzus hebben een prachtige zoon gekregen: Timo! Maar ook al kan dat niet, we hebben jullie wel in ons hart en we maken gewoon goed gebruik van deze komende weken van rust!

We zouden het leuk vinden om van jullie te horen! Bijvoorbeeld door te mailen of door een reactie te plaatsen onder dit bericht. Als jullie voor ons willen bidden, zouden we dat enorm fijn vinden!

Voor ons allebei: een hele gezegende vakantie waarin we onze tijd goed besteden, een goede balans zullen hebben tussen ontspanning en nuttige dingen doen, tijd voor onszelf en tijd voor sociale dingen en tijd met God.

Voor Eline: Ik wil me geen zorgen maken over m’n missions trip, maar dat vind ik af en toe wel lastig als ik zie hoeveel geld ik nog nodig heb. Als jullie voor vrede en financiele voorziening zouden willen bidden zou dat fantastisch zijn!

Voor Judie: Ik heb nog wel wat moeite met mijn tijdsindeling, met huiswerk, stilletijd en dat soort dingen. (ik probeer een 2^de jaars coach te krijgen die me daar mee kan helpen) Als jullie daarvoor zouden willen bidden, en dat ik verder diepe vriendschappen kan opbouwen met mensen van mijn revivalgroup. Als jullie daar zegen over zouden willen uitspreken, dat zou ik enorm waarderen! J

Bedankt voor het lezen en jullie betrokkenheid. We houden van jullie!
Judie&Eline

ps: We kunnen jullie giften heel goed gebruiken!

Ga naar https://missiontrips.ibethel.org/, daar staat 'give today', type Judie Feenstra of Eline Millenaar in en daar kun je met creditcard een betaling doen naar onze missions trip. Zie http://judieeline.blogspot.com/2012/11/elines-support-brief-voor-haar.html voor Eline's support brief met meer informatie over haar reis. Bedankt!

Support letter for my mission trip

Hallo lieve vrienden en (geestelijke) familie,

Blessings vanuit Redding, Californie! Zoals jullie weten zit ik hier op de Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (BSSM) en heb ik het enorm naar mijn zin. Ik geniet 100% en ik groei elke dag een stukje dichter naar God toe. Ik heb regelmatig het gevoel dat de persoon die ik ben die ’s avonds gaat slapen een ander persoon is dan degene die die ochtend wakker werd.  In de cultuur van liefde, eer en een focus op de aanwezigheid van God waar ik nu in leef, gaat mijn groeiproces in een sneltreinvaart. Ik ben zo dankbaar dat ik hier mag zijn! Ik ben op de plek waar God mij wilt hebben en tegelijkertijd ontdek ik steeds meer van de visie en dromen die God voor mijn leven heeft. Dank jullie wel voor jullie support, zonder jullie zou ik hier waarschijnlijk niet kunnen zijn.

Een van de belangrijke dingen van mijn schooljaar is de mission trip (zendingsreis) in de voorjaarsvakantie. Aangezien mijn school een leren-en-doen cultuur heeft, vinden zij (en ik ook!) het heel belangrijk dat we een mogelijkheid krijgen om uit te stappen in geloof en te doen wat we geleerd hebben. We mogen het eerste gebod en de grote opdracht in praktijk brengen, nu in onze eigen stad door outreaches en in April in het buitenland door de zendingsreis. Het eerste gebod is om God lief te hebben met alles wat in ons zit en mensen lief te hebben als onszelf. Zoals Heidie Baker zegt: “Love looks like something.” (Liefde lijkt ergens op). Deze liefde mogen we zichtbaar maken door de grote opdracht: de zieken genezen, de gevangenen bevrijden, de gebrokenen helen, het goede nieuws vertellen en de onaanraakbare mensen omhelzen met Gods liefde. Dat is mijn hoofddoel voor mijn leven en voor de aankomende zendingsreis!

We konden kiezen uit ruim 70 bestemmingen over de hele wereld. God liet voor mij Latijns Amerika er uit springen. Na een tijd van gebed zei  Hij dat ik me moest aanmelden voor Nicaragua. Zo gezegd, zo gedaan. Nu ben ik inderdaad aangenomen voor de reis naar Nicaragua in Latijns Amerika! Ik zal daar heen gaan van 29 Maart tot 8 april 2013. Ik heb er ontzettend veel zin in, mensen zeggen dat de zendingsreis het hoogtepunt van het schooljaar is! Ik heb ook gehoord dat er in Nicaragua een ontzettend honger naar meer van God is, een onwankelbaar geloof onder de mensen en daardoor een geweldige open hemel. Bethel Mission is al jaren naar deze bestemming gegaan en hebben vele ‘crazy, creative miracles’ gezien. Terwijl we daar zijn, zal ik de mogelijkheid hebben om in de bediening te gaan, een huis te bouwen in de vuilnisbelten, preken, Gods aanwezigheid met me mee dragen en onderwijs geven op de ‘school of ministry’ in Nicaragua. Ik kan verder bouwen op bestaande relaties met pastors, ondernemers, koffie boeren en Gods glorie ‘lekken’ waar ik ga.

Mijn mission trip kost in totaal 1750 dollar, dat is ongeveer 1350 euro. Dit is verdeeld in 3 betaalperiodes. Voor 7 december moet ik 135 euro betalen, voor 22 januari 680 euro en voor 26 februari  540 euro. Door mijn visum mag ik niet werken hier in Amerika, dus leef ik van support van m’n ouders, giften en m’n spaarrekening. Dit bedrag kan ik dus onmogelijk zelf bij elkaar krijgen, het is een echte stap in geloof. Maar ik weiger dit geldtekort als een probleem te zien. Ik zie dit als een mogelijkheid, waar ik God regelmatig voor dank. 1. Het is een mogelijkheid om persoonlijk te ervaren dat God YHWH Yireh is, de God die voorziet. 2. Het is een mogelijkheid voor een geweldige getuigenis van op wat voor wonderbaarlijke manier God kan voorzien, zodat anderen daardoor groeien in geloof. 3. Het is mogelijkheid voor mij om te leren te ontvangen, hulp te vragen en nederig te zijn door afhankelijk te worden van anderen. 4. Het is een mogelijkheid voor anderen om gezegend te worden door mij te zegenen. God zegent hen die mij zegenen, en doordat mensen nu in mijn zendingsreis kunnen zaaien, worden ze deel van de zegeningen die vrijgezet worden in die zendingsreis!

Zouden jullie financieel in mijn reis willen zaaien? Geven kan elektronisch via https://missiontrips.ibethel.org/ . Op die website staat “give today”, daar kan je mijn naam intypen (Eline Millenaar). Anoniem geven is ook mogelijk en de gift is belasting aftrekbaar. Dit is alleen mogelijk via een creditcard. Indien dit een probleem is kan er ook op mijn persoonlijke bankrekening gestort worden, dat is 862046 op naam van E. Millenaar. Vermeld er alsjeblieft duidelijk bij dat het voor mijn mission trip is, zodat ik het zelf kan storten op mijn zendingsreis account. Alle kleine beetjes helpen! Als je niet in staat bent om te geven: gebed is ook zeer welkom!

Ontzettend bedankt voor jullie betrokkenheid, steun en de tijd die jullie genomen hebben om deze brief te lezen. Ik vind het ontzettend leuk om met jullie in contact te blijven, dus stuur gerust een mailtje naar eline.millenaar@live.nl als je vragen of opmerkingen hebt. Als je benieuwd bent naar mijn leven hier in Redding kan je het beste kijken op mijn blog http://www.sks-eline.blogspot.com/ of http://judieeline.blogspot.com .

Ik bid jullie toe dat iedere doorbraak, openbaring en zegening die ik hier heb ontvangen en ga ontvangen ook in jullie leven zal gebeuren, zelfs nog veel meer dan dat. Ik zegen jullie in Jezus’ naam met een diepere openbaring van Zijn liefde en Zijn zorg, met ervaringen van Zijn bovennatuurlijke kracht en met een sterker verlangen naar meer van Hem dan ooit te voren.

Many blessings and abundant love,
Eline

Blog update October

How's my life at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry?
Watch it here in this update video of our blog http://judieeline.blogspot.com/.
(From 7.00 minutes there is a little sneak peack in our school)
You can read my daily Facebook updates here: http://judieeline.blogspot.com/p/facebook-updates.html

How to enjoy life

 I'm always posting extreme-excited, heavenly-happy and life-loving Facebook updates, because that's just a reflection of how I am feeling and how much I love my life. People who are not that happy get annoyed by it, and the ones who are loving life too get inspired by it. Someone asked me how I can live life without holding back. He was jealously inspired by how I am living. That's an amazing compliment and a great question.

So I came up with 12 tips how to enjoy life. :)

How to live life like you really mean it: 

1. Explore Gods love

Without this first step, all the other ones are just fake counterfeits. Experiencing how much God loves you gives you a whole different way of living. He can also heal every pain and fear inside of you, which can hinder you to enjoy life. Take lots and lots of time to spend with God, not because you have to, but because you will feel the most complete, happy and yourself in His presence. Just rest in His presence, listen to His voice, pray your heart out, read the Bible, worship etc.

2. Make other people happy

“Happiness is like a perfume. You cannot pour it on others without getting a few drops on yourself.” Invest in friendships, make the people around you feel loved. Discover their love language so you can love them on purpose. Loving them in our own love language is great, but it’s even better to love them in THEIR love language! Look for people who are in need, physically or emotionally, and help them, listen to them and love them.

3. Surround yourself with happy, positive, Spirit-filled friends who know who they are.

Nothing more inspiring than community!

4. Create a me-time-list

What makes you happy? If you could do anything, what would it be? What makes you feel alive? Every week, make a list of the things that you really want to do. Note that you can't have anything on this list which you HAVE to do, or what OTHERS want to do. This list is about what you want to do. Keep it simple, keep it small. And important: make sure you do everything on the list that week, so make time for me-time!

5. Learn something new

What have you always wanted to do, but you feel you're not able to do? Perhaps learn a new language, play an instrument, start sporting or doing something creative. There are a lot of people around you with amazing talents, ask them to teach you some of that! Great bonding time with them and you get to grow in your talents!

6. Be aware of the beauty around you

There are so many beautiful things around you, which we don't see because we're so often in a hurry. Stop, slow down and take time to enjoy all these little beautiful things. My tip: never be in a hurry. Hurrying is not a sign of productivity, but a sign of a bad planning or being too busy. When you have to hurry, you don't have the time to look around and notice beautiful nature/people.

7. Journal everyday

Every evening take at least 10 minutes to journal. If you don't like writing, you can also just take a guitar and sing it out, or talk to your phone while recording it. Journaling is great, because you can process your day, save your memories, learn to appreciate daily life better by writing it down and it stimulates your emotional awareness. Don't only journal what you did, but also why and how it made you feel. Don't write like someone can read it, spit everything out, put your heart in words.

8. Emotional awareness

 End (or begin) your daily journal with: How am I doing? (or pray: Jesus, how am I doing?) Try to put your feelings in words and try to find the cause of your feelings. Feelings always have a cause. They either come from someone else (if you're a feeler or a burden bearer you can adopt a feeling of someone else as your own) or from yourself. If you have a bad feeling, you can trace it back to: when did it start? What were my thoughts in that moment? What am I really longing for right now? (shows the need/void in your heart that needs to be filled).

9. Break out of your box once in a while.

Do something crazy. Something you would never do, something which you’re afraid of (taking risks makes you feel alive) or something you haven’t done in a while but you love to do. Get out of your normal daily life and go out! There are a lot of fun stuff you can do, just take a day or a weekend to have fun! Go out of your house, out of your town, meet some friends, treat yourself on something etc.

10.  Don’t worry, be childlike

Worrying is a joy-killer. You can’t enjoy while worrying. Kids don’t worry, that’s why they can enjoy life so easily. Kids don’t care what others think about them, are not worried about their reputation. Kids are not thinking about tomorrow, because they live today. They can enjoy, play and laugh genuinely because they trusting their parents to take care of them. If we’re trusting our Daddy-God that He takes care of us, we can be childlike! Whatever you do, wherever you are: do it 100% and be there fully. Don’t think about your next appointment, don’t let your mind wonder of to the things you still need to do when you get home. Be 100% present in every moment, and I assure you, you will get things done 100 times more effective AND you will not have the feeling to live on the auto-pilot.

11. Have mini-vacations:

Through the day, take some 5-minute breaks. When you get home after school/work, don’t immediately start cooking or rushing to your next appointment. Slow down, lay down on your bed or on the couch and just do nothing but just staring at the ceiling. Set your alarm on 5 minutes, so you don’t have to look on the clock all the time and you won’t fall asleep and miss your next appointment. This helps you to calm down, realize how your heart is doing, connect with God again and process the things that just happened. You will not notice the 5 minutes in your time, but you will notice the difference those 5 minutes of rest made. You can also do this when going to the restroom: just take a minute to calm down and connect with God.

12. Dream and make them come true

Dream (together with God)! Dream big! Write down what you want to achieve in your life, what you want to do, where you want to go, who you want to become. And take steps in making them come true. Pray about the dream, let others speak into your dreams, take practical steps to do them, start planning things. Seeing dreams come true makes your heart beat stronger. 

Prophetic Art

One of the things that I really want to focus on this year is prophetic art.
 Prophetic art is creating art which shows Gods love or what He wants to say. I always loved art and creativity, but I was afraid to be an artist because of the fear of not being good enough. God is breaking off that fear and helping me to stand in freedom. Because of a lot of things my perspective changed from my inability to paint/create, to His ability to work through my creations/paintings. I'm still struggling with that fear sometimes, but I'm choosing to step out in faith in this area. One of the things I'm stepping out in is in showing the things I've made.

Outpouring
(During class)

Heart of the nations

Waterfall of Grace

Redding/BSSM update

These weeks in Redding, attending Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, are intense, overwhelming and extremely good! I don't have a lot of time to e-mail, blog or give another way of updating, but I try to post an update at least once a week. I'll share some parts of my journal, but because it's called the -world wide web- for a reason (everybody can read it) I won't share the real deep stuff. If you want to know how I'm really doing, please e-mail or comment so we can Skype!

Judie and I also wrote a post on our Dutch blog:
 http://judieeline.blogspot.com/2012/10/onze-eerste-maand-in-redding.html

Summary of week 15-21 September: 

Let me share something I wrote on a Friday after week tree in the USA. I was trying to summarize the things I've learned in the first two weeks of school: 

 The things I learned this week: (quotes, highlights and revelations:) 

• ·       Importance of being aware of Gods presence.
  “You can’t be aware of My presence, when you’re too aware of other people.” 
• ·         Accountability and community.
   ‘Learn to trust someone more than you trust yourself.”
   I am not an island, I have to grow horizontally too if  I want to grow vertically.
• ·         Royal identity versus poverty mentality. I can imitate God the best when I’m myself.
  “To know me is to love me, if you don’t love me, that’s just because you don’t know me.”
  “We teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves.”
• ·         “When you put a pauper in a palace, he will make the palace a prision. But if you put a princess in a prison, she will transform the prison into a palace. You always reproduce the Kingdom around you that you have within you.”
• ·         “There are a lot of people who do so they can be, instead of do out of their being”
• ·         “There is a difference between normal and common. A lot of common things are not normal.
• ·         The will of God:
  “Make sure you’re full of the will of God, otherwise you get hungry for people’s applause.”
• ·         Creativity/gifts: A lot of my gifts are received but unused, because they are still wrapped up in fear. 

Retreat: waterfall of grace

This retreat was all about receiving. God wants me to be humble enough to receive from others and be surrendered enough to receive from God. It felt as a huge relief when I finally got it: I don't have to be strong all the time, I can admit that I also need help. Even if the problems of others might be bigger, that doesn't make my problems smaller. God showed me that I first need to learn how to receive before He can do anything else this year.

The poem of the waterfall tells the best what I experienced spiritually this retreat. I felt like God pulled me in His waterfall of grace. He gave me 29 prophetic words, 2 major breakthroughs, an amazing encounter with Him and so many encouraging and inspiring conversations that I can’t even count them. People have been pouring into my identity, have encouraged me to do what God said me to do and helped me.

This retreat was also about discovering the amazing people of my Revival Group. He showed me the beautiful heart of the people around me. I am abundantly blessed!

Prophetic art: freedom instead of fear
One of the things that I really want to focus on this year is prophetic art. Prophetic art is creating art which shows Gods love or what He wants to say. I always loved art and creativity, but I was afraid to be an artist because of the fear of not being good enough. God is breaking off that fear and helping me to stand in freedom. Because of a lot of things my perspective changed from my inability to paint/create, to His ability to work through my creations/paintings. I'm still struggling with that fear sometimes, but I'm choosing to step out in faith in this area. I did a drama audition for my activation (outreach) and I was accepted. Every week I have a art class (AMT) too, where I learn how to bring Gods presence to paintings and some painting skills.  I also applied for the 'worship through art'-ministry and that will be extra curriculum for school this year. I'll be a part of a creative community of first year students, I'll have a mentor (experienced artist) who will help me as an aspiring artist and...  October 31 I'll be on stage painting during worship! I'm so scared and so excited, and I think that's a good combination to live life! I'll post some prophetic art pieces on my blog later.

Culture and community: gold diggers
I love the community I live in! It's a amazing community of gold diggers, people who are searching and showing the gold in people. My roommates, my neighbors and my Revival Group are all absolutely amazing people, full of fire, passion, purity and inspiration. They're so beautiful, inside and outside!
After school and in the weekends we're having worship nights, prophetic circles, spontaneous Holy Spirit nights, fun things and just quality time (besides the tons of homework/reading!). My Revival Group has an amazing encouraging atmosphere, and because of that I'm starting to loosen up and being myself and the RG begins to feel like family.

If I need to summarize how I'm doing I could say that I'm learning how to receive, live in community and I'm overwhelmingly blessed.  Sometimes I wonder how is it possible that every day is better than the day before! Amazing how very evening when I go to sleep I feel like a different person than I was when I woke up that day. I'm where I need to be, that's one of the best feelings in the world!

Second week in Redding: finding my place

Al bijna twee weken woon ik in Redding, California. In mijn vorige post kon je (in het Engels) lezen hoe de eerste dagen eruit zagen. Ik zal proberen een korte beschrijving te geven van deze afgelopen week.

Houses turning into homes
I'll be honest with you, the first week was exciting, amazing and intense, but not easy. I had a hard time getting used to all the new things. I didn't expect to have a culture shock in a country that seems to look like my own country, but I was wrong. The combination of a culture shock, another language to express yourself, another climate, other habits, lack of sleep, lots of new impressions and (most of all) a different home situation was a little bit too much. I kind of lost myself between the new things and old insecurities came up again.
 But after an 'Umbrella-day' (see this poem), some time with the God Who never changes and some hugs and prayers of my lovely roommates, I found myself again.

This week I can truly say I'm my happy old self again, my house turned into a home and my roommates turned into close sisters. I found my place here and I can be myself now at home and loosen up. Because we made a schedule for every week, we now have a good balance between school, fun time, home work time, cooking/cleaning and Jesus-time. Everybody knows each other a lot better now after tears, talk, hugs, laughs and prayers, and so we form a little family now. What a privilege to have such beautiful roommates, sisters and friends: Kaitie, Judie and Roos!

Ps; speaking of my apartment: take a look at this little video I made to show the living room, kitchen, dining room and sleeping room:


School: diving in and getting deep
Last Monday we had our registration, which meant 3,5 hours of waiting in line. Trust me, waiting in line for hours with a lot of BSSM-students is NOT boring, that means meeting new people, prayers, prophecies, Holy Spirit-outbreaks and hugs for hours! Tuesday was my first school day and wow, what a privilege to be a student of Bethel School of Supernatural Ministries!
I dived in and got deep this week. We have school in a huge room, we start with pre-school prayer and then we have worship. Speaking about open heavens! You could almost taste the hunger and expectation in the room, and the Holy Spirit feels welcome in such an atmosphere! I already had some beautiful God-encounters this week, and we've only had 3 days of school yet!

 I prayed that God has my permission to touch me, encounter me and change me beyond my boundaries, beyond my understanding and beyond my expectations. I want to say YES to all of Him, also to the parts that are not appealing to me now. I want to be changed from the inside out. I want to be the hungriest of the hungriest people, I don't only want to be a part of Gods army, but I want to run in the front, fighting on the frontier, facing the enemy without fear. I'm ready to be confronted with my weaknesses, so I can be filled up with His power. That's a dangerous prayer, but I believe that this is what God has in store for me, and I won't settle for anythings less!

After worship we have teachings, this week we had teachings from both Bill Johnson and Kris Vallotan every day. Believe me, everyday I walked out of my school building completely drenched by wisdom, empowered by deep revelations of new spiritual truths, hungry for more of God and strengthened in my faith. Add 2 hours of daily reading in the Bible and other books to that, and you can imagine how my week was like and how my coming months will look like!

Core values: love, honor, risks, accountability:
This week we've also learned about the core values of BSSM. Let me give a short summary:

• Loving God, others and yourself: "To know me is to love me. If you don't love me, that's just because you don't know me."
• Finding your true royal identity: we had to take the prince/pauper test. ( http://kvministries.com/prince-pauper-test) It's not about the scores, it's just a great and confronting way to find out if you're living out your royal identity. Recommended! 
• Risks: if I don't fail at least 3 times this school year, I can't graduate, because that means that I have not taken enough risks and I stayed in my comfort zone. Welcome to my school of risk! "Faith is spelled R-I-S-K." So we have to do the things we're scared of, because those are the things you can grow in. I really feel like God is leading me to step out in prophetic art, because I have never really done that as in outreach. That's why my choices of 'activations' (outreach) look like this (these are my options, it's not clear yet which activation I get):
• Accountability: "You need someone who you trust more than you trust yourself, so they confront you when you're being deceived. You need that, because the nature of deception is that you don't know you're deceived." So we will get a mentor/spiritual parents to share our hearts with and they can confront us. 

I've learned much much more, did so many fun stuff and met so many great people, but I don't have the time to tell about that now. I love to hear how's it going with you guys, thank you for the interest, prayers and support!

Saying goodbye to our friends

Afscheidsfoto's

Saying goodbye to our friends... Pictures taken on the last day in Holland...

Bethel-adventure in Redding

Bethel-adventure in Redding, a set on Flickr.

First pictures of the first week in Redding, California. It's so beautiful here, I feel like I should carry my camera and artbook with me all the time!

First week in Redding, California

Rollercoaster

Last few days were a rollercoaster.

I stepped into this rollercoaster Monday morning. I hugged my lovely parents and brother for the last time, wiped the tears of my face and stepped into my rollercoaster cart. The first part of the rollercoaster was already crazy. In 25 hours we travelled 14000 kilometers in 3 flights. Dragging your heavy bags all over the place, waiting for hours, going through security 10 times, looking out of our plane window at the beautiful sunset and lights of the cities, interviews at Customs, running through San Francisco Airport to catch your last flight (which we almost missed because our second flight had a delay): traveling is stressful, fun and exhausting.

So there we were. Sitting on bench at the very small airport of Redding. Three lonely roadtrippers with 6 bags around us and a guitar on Roos’ lap.. We’re singing songs like “So could you put your bag on the floor. Judie do your duty. We’re heading to Redding.” Just one look at my face would tell you that I’m exhausted and excited. Exhausted because I have hardly slept for the last 32 hours. Excited because we finally arrived in our new hometown. Adventure is in the air. We see a car coming, and there is Kaitie, our roommate. We share some hugs and we already know that we’re going to love her. When we had put all of our baggage in the car (except for my foot, which I stuck out of the car window. No joke.) we drove to our new home. And wow, it looked even more beautiful than on the pictures. Huge L-shaped couch, big kitchen, light sleeping room: we felt so lucky. After some getting-to-know-each-other-talks, we dived into our beds for our first night in this roller coaster called ‘The Bethel-adventure.’

The crazy rollercoaster went on the rest of the week. Waking up early, meeting lots of new people, learning the American culture and learning so many new things. Sometimes it feels like I’m walking in a movie, everything is so American! J We’re eating pizza, having movie nights, driving through Redding with loud music and open windows and we’re going to Starbucks, I think all the stereotypes I’ve had about America are true so far. Our apartment begins to feel like home and I love it that our neighbors and other people are just walking in and take a seat. Everybody is feels welcome, because everybody is welcome.

I haven't laughed so hard, danced so crazy, sang so loud, met so many new people and said I love you so many times in the last months as I did in this week. Everybody loves music, so we often end up singing and dancing and playing the guitar when we hang out with people. I love the quality time with my roommates and neighbors, I really want to discover their hearts and share mine.

We walked to our school Wednesday, it was a long, hot, but beautiful walk. We’ve met a lot of Bethel-students on our way, somehow people recognize each other as Bethel students. Partly because of the accents of the international students and partly because of the ‘Jesus-eyes’ and the joy on the faces of the people who go to Bethel. Redding is flooded with Bethel-people, it’s like having a huge family meeting in one town. Everybody is so nice and always willing to help or to give you a ride. No offence, but comparing to the people in Holland Americans are like angels.

Friday we went to the lake, it was so breathtaking beautiful. Normally I go on a holiday to see beautiful nature like this, but I live here now for 9 months! Forgetting my camera and art book was my biggest mistake of that day, there is so much beauty everywhere that I want to capture and absorb it. The rollercoaster slowed down for a second when I was reading Bill Johnson’s book on a rock in the sun, peaceful sounds around me and cool clear water of the lake before me.

Our first service at Bethel Church was at Friday night. I can’t believe this is our new home church now! Bethel Church is full of Spirit-filled people in a place where Gods presence is welcome anytime and anyhow, that just explodes in beautiful colors of love. That’s the only way I can explain it.

I also have some difficult moments, when I really have trouble to get used to all the new things. The rollercoaster doesn’t stop and isn’t slowing down. Sometimes the speed just dazzles me. Four days ago I was with my family, peacefully spending the weekend at home. Right now, I’m living on my own, in an apartment in Redding with 3 other girls in a country with different habits, language and culture. It’s so good, but so different. I love my roommates and they already feel like family. But sometimes I have to make sure that I’ll just be me, and I’ll stay close to myself.

I need some time alone to process all those new things, so I have the strength to hold on to the things that make me Eline. When I forget to take the time to capture moments and spend time with my God, I can easily forget who I am and what I love. Luckily I can lean on the strong shoulders of Wisdom. In this adventurous rollercoaster, Jesus is my Seatbelt and His words are my security. So when the rollercoaster is about to dive deep and I’m scared of falling out, I just focus on my Seatbelt. Because I know it will hold me in the right place, I don’t have to be scared, I can just be excited. And when I’m sure He won’t let me go and this rollercoaster is going the right way, I can throw my hands in the air and scream from the top of my longs “I AM ALIVE!” 

I can enjoy the ride with Him by my side.

Lovely Laura

Laura, a set on Flickr.

Een aantal weken geleden heb ik een heerlijke avond gehad met Laura in Brennels! Gepicknicked op het strand, fotoshoot gedaan, vakantieverhalen uitgewisseld, goede gesprekken gevoerd en schuilen voor de regen in een indianentipi. Love friendship!

Dit zijn de foto's die uit de shoot zijn gekomen van een van de meest inspirerende personen die ik ken, prachtig van binnen en van buiten:



©ElineFotografie

Lovebirds Davy and Johanneke

I did a photoshoot with lovebirds Davy and Johanneke.
 Johanneke is one of my best friends and like a sister to me. Since a couple of months ago, she's in a relationship with her prince charming: Davy.
They are so in love, it's so cute to look at them!
 I've caught enough love with my camera for a whole year!

How can you not get butterflies in your stomach when looking at these pictures?







©ElineFotografie